I don’t have much to say lately. I’m just plodding along day after day, going to work, taking care of Sammy and ignoring all household chores.

I’m hoping that after my cold passes and PMS gives me a break, I’ll start feeling more energized and creative. I keep frustrating myself by sitting down at the computer and trying to force myself to design something. It’s difficult to remember that creativity can’t be forced…or at least it can’t in my case.

I haven’t been very successful sticking to my New Year’s resolutions. One thing I wanted to do was get more sleep. If I’m going to actually do that–and I think I must, then I think I’m going to have to give up some other things I enjoy doing, such as designing websites. This exhaustion is killing me. My lack of creativity is depressing me–still, the thought of giving that up makes me feel resentful to the shape of my life right now. Deep down, I’m angry that I have so little time to do the things I want to do. I’m angry that I don’t spend more time with my son and the time I do get to spend with him is when we’re both tired. I’m angry that I can’t busy myself with creative activities without feeling guilty about it. You see, I should actually be cleaning the house or playing with Sam–or, oh my goodness, be paying attention to my poor husband.

All this resentment can’t be good. My husband asks me why I don’t do something about the things that are bugging me. I’m not sure how to answer him. I’m not sure I CAN do anything. I certainly can’t do anything about the 12 hours a day I spend away from home. *sigh* I’m just making myself more angry and frustrated by writing this, so I’m going to stop. I’ll try to write about something positive later today.

So sorry for laying this on you.

Remember how I was laid up with the stomach flu a week ago? It seems as if I’m going through a second bout of it. I’ve been very nauseous the past couple of days. Blech.

It took me a long time to wake up this morning. I think I was still asleep when I got dressed. That would go a little ways toward explaining why I put my shirt on backwards (and didn’t notice until I was already at work) :blush:

Maybe it’s having spent three delightful days with a delightful little boy who was ever-ready with hugs and kisses and hysterical giggling; maybe it’s the joy I felt in hearing him practicing his growing vocabulary (bye-bye and car were big favorites this weekend) or seeing him spontaneously use the signs available to him (hat & bird); maybe it was the sweet smell of his curls or the ultra-soft feel of his rosy red cheeks; maybe it was the fun of building towers out of Legos or pillow-fighting in bed…

Whatever it was, I WANT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE:

Now, I just have to convince my husband that the time is right