Learning where exactly you fit in with the family you acquired by marriage is complicated. When I was first married to Robert, I usually quietly observed the goings-on at family gatherings. As nice as everyone was to me, I still felt like an outsider. That’s not the case now. I’m drawn into the craziness just like they all are. The same jokes that make them laugh seem funny to me as well. I understand their context in a way I couldn’t have several years ago. The same arguments that inevitably start up every time we get together draw me in just as much as they do anyone else.

Here’s how the scenario goes:

A couple of days before everyone arrives, there is a flurry of phone calls in which we try to settle who is going to be where and when. Sibling rivalry flares up between my husband and his brother Rich. Both want their mommy to spend time with them and at their homes. They complain that she’s going to spend more time with the other brother than with them and how unfair it all is. Would you believe they are both in their early 30′s and they still act like this?

Somehow, despite all the bickering, the whole weekend is planned out. This also irritates my husband to no end because he likes things being spontaneous rather than orchestrated. I’m just glad we have a plan of action.

We usually end up driving everyone around. We pick everyone up from the airport and drive straight over to Rich and Carrie’s home, where we spend most of the time.

Apparently they won’t all come to our home because our niece and nephew, Zoe and Zachary, are “uncomfortable” there. I guess we have too many rules, e.g. they can’t push all the buttons on the stereo or pour soda pop on our carpet. Call us tyrants. That’s kind of funny because the children we babysit periodically, one of whom is the same age as my niece, love being at our home. In fact, that little boy told me he wanted to trade houses with us–he would live in ours and we would live in his. That cracked me up! Moreover, they don’t find our rules overly restrictive. They understand that you have to behave a certain way when visiting someone else’s home.

My niece and nephew, on the other hand, are allowed to do just about anything they want at their own home and have trouble transitioning into a more structured environment. Everyone has a right to raise their kids as they see fit, and Rich and Carrie are doing a good job with their kids. They certainly feel secure and loved. However, the fact that those kids are too wild to take anywhere makes family get-togethers more difficult–and frustrates me because I would like to have some get-togethers at our home. Just once, I’d like to be allowed to have a Thanksgiving or Christmas celebration here!

Anyway, the first night of their visit, we all went over to Rich and Carrie’s home for his 30th birthday party. He had a lot of his friends over as well, so he was a bit distracted by them, which meant he didn’t have much time for catching up on the news with his mother and siblings who had just come from California. That was to be expected, though, and they just looked forward to chatting over the next couple of days.

Carrie does a great job of preparing a nice meal for all of the parties she throws. We really enjoyed the roasted pork, rice salad, fruit and cake that was served. Sam ate quite a bit of it himself! After the meal, Rich, Carrie, Keith Janine and all the other party-goers went out to a club. Robert and I opted out of that and took his mother to our home where we were able to get a little bit of talking in.

Rich and Carrie were supposed to drop off Keith and Janine at our house after they were done living it up at the clubs, but they decided they were too tired to drive all the way up to our home and took them to theirs instead. I fully expected this. Who in their right mind would want to do a lot of driving around at 3 AM? Robert’s mother slept fitfully, though, because she kept expecting her two kids to show up. She finally gave up on them around 5 AM. (I guess it doesn’t matter how old your children are, you never stop worrying!)

At a more reasonable time of day, we fed Sammy and prepared a nice breakfast for ourselves. Keith called to invite himself and Janine over. Initially, he wanted us to meet them somewhere to pick them up. Robert suggested instead that Keith borrow Carrie’s car and drive on up, which he did. We expected him to call a couple of times on the way because our place isn’t very easy to find. He didn’t have any trouble at all locating us, although he did stop and call us to ask how to put gas in the car–lol!

When they got there, both took showers and ate some breakfast. Robert proudly gave them a tour of our house, focusing especially on the loft area he remodeled this past year. He’s so proud of it!

Robert then took his brother and sister site-seeing in Seattle, while his mother and I stayed home with Sammy, who desperately needed another nap before we ventured over to Rich and Carrie’s house again. Once he was rested up, we packed everything up and got in the car to begin the long drive south. I was nervous about this because (a) I don’t do much driving; and (b) I wasn’t 100% certain about how to find their house.

We got lost. Really lost. I took the wrong exit, got tangled up in a bunch of road construction and drove aimlessly around for half an hour or so. Talk about embarrassing! My mother-in-law was a really good sport about it, though. She tried calling people on her cell phone to get directions, but no one answered. I guess they all figured I knew how to get to their home. Eventually, I went back to the highway, got off on the right exit and found their place with relatively little trouble. Phew.

When we got there, the boys were wrapped up in one of the NBA playoff games and barely said two words to us. We decided to foist the kids off on them and go out to a movie. We saw “Monsoon Wedding,” a beautiful film about an Indian wedding. The boys would have hated it, but we all loved it. Sometimes it’s great to go out with just the girls!

When we returned home, the boys had decided that it was their turn to have some fun by going out to a movie. They decided to go to Star Wars. While they did this, I bundled up Sam and took him home. Robert didn’t get back until 2AM. After so much commotion, it was kind of weird being alone, just Sammy and I. I was glad when Robert showed up safe and sound.

We don’t usually spend that much time with Rich and Carrie–only on holidays, birthdays or when relatives come to visit. By the end of two days, we’re thoroughly sick of one another. This time, however, we’re not going to have much time for recouperation. Robert’s sister, Robin, has just come up from Portland and wants to get together with all of us, so I suppose that means we’ll go back down to their house again. And next weekend is Zoe’s birthday party, which we can’t miss. I hope we don’t kill one another! LOL!