I cried like a fool when it was time for me to leave Sammy at the daycare. I really didn’t think I was going to. I thought I’d be calm and collected. But I was wrong. I broke down. Sammy’s caretaker enveloped me in a big hug and told me not to worry. Everything would be fine. She’s worked there for a long time and he was a big boy (older than some she had taken care of). I got out of there as quickly as I could for fear that I would never be able to tear myself away. Once I was on back on the road, I was functional again, although my heart ached.

While the tasks I was assigned at work were interesting, the day passed very slowly. I had a difficult time concentrating. I kept thinking about my sweet little baby and how much I missed him. By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, I was mad to see him again. The bus could not go fast enough to suit me.

And then I was home again and I had him in my arms. Bliss.

I’m cooking up a storm today. I just prepared all the vegetables and meat for a yummy stew and I’m about to make up a pan of lasagne…yum yum yum. All this is in preparation for the coming week which will most likely be an exhausting one. I’m going back to work. I want to have all the necessary things like food preparation out of the way so I can concentrate on just getting by.

I’m simultaneously excited and anxious about the next few days. It will be fun to get back into some projects at work. I’ve been growing more and more restless and have been driving Robert insane because of it. Being given some new challenges may be just what the doctor ordered. I just hope I can do it on the minimum amount of sleep I’ll be getting since Sam still likes to wake up a couple of times at night to nurse.

I hope he’ll be happy at the daycare center. It’s difficult not to feel a bit like I’m abandoning him, though I KNOW I’m not. I’m doing what’s best for all of us. Our finances are seriously depleted after all the time I took off. We need my income to maintain the roof over our heads and to have wonderful things like stew and lasagne on our table. Also, my working will have a direct impact on our emotional health. If I’m feeling happy, Robert and I are less likely to argue. When we’re getting along, Sam is less likely to feel any stress. It’s a win-win situation, really.

Robert and I spent most of the morning making up. We went out to a coffee shop and spent a long time sipping our drinks, reading the Stranger and daydreaming. We talked too and reassured one another that we were still in love. It was a nice start to the day, especially after the rough night we had together. I feel much better about things, even though we didn’t really resolve any of the issues between us. I feel confident we’re committed to making this work…something I wasn’t so sure about a few hours earlier.