It’s cold and rainy outside and all I want to do is curl up under a warm blanket and dream dreams of sunny days. Unfortunately, time for such things is on the short side. Robert and I have been using some of our free time (when Sammy is napping) to play the Sims. We got quite an elaborate set-up. Trying to keep tabs on all the characters is difficult. A couple of them are in an all-out war. It’s amusing! We also bought a DVD player and are looking forward to watching the movies we ordered from netflicks.com. These things are helping me unwind a bit

Working full-time has impacted my weekends. Now, they’re not so much time to relax as time to catch up on all the chores I wasn’t able to get to during the week. Even so, I enjoyed the days away from the office. Robert and I got along extremely well–which is such a relief after all the tension that’s been between us during the past few weeks. Sam was fun to be with too. He’s “talking” more than ever. His coos are starting to include consonant sounds. Instead of just ahhs and oos and ees, we’re hearing goos and gahs.

The only downside to the weekend was the trouble I’m continuing to have with breastfeeding. It’s been a battle since day one and it still hurts like crazy. I don’t understand why. Everyone told me that it would get better after a couple of months, but it hasn’t at all. I’ve seen a lactation consultant who assured me that Sam was latching on properly, so that’s not the problem.

It’s not just the pain that has me frustrated. Sam just doesn’t seem satisfied when nursing at the breast. He continually pops off the breast and then struggles to re-latch. He doesn’t seem satiated afterwards either. When we give him a bottle, he sucks eagerly and then becomes quite sleepy. I feel guilty for wishing we could just give up on the whole breastfeeding thing. I’ll keep trying for awhile, but it’s getting harder to remain enthusiastic about it.

Going back to work was bittersweet, as I expected it would be. Leaving Sam at daycare was very hard to do and I missed him every moment of every day we were separated. Working was good for me though. I enjoyed learning all the new things they’re having me do. I get to do a lot more research and writing than I did before. I’m making more independent decisions. My job has changed in a million positive ways. I am no longer suffering through long and boring days doing something mind-numbingly boring. It’s hard to believe that two years ago I worked as an underappreciated receptionist in a very small law firm. Two years ago, I had a hard time finding enough enthusiasm for what lay ahead of me to pull myself out of bed each morning. Now, I’m excited by what I do. I’m even looking forward to going back on Monday. It would be perfect if only Sam could tag along!

Today, we’re reveling in one another’s company. We curled up together on the couch and took a long nap (much needed after the sleepless week we just endured). Sam’s sleeping better now too since we figured out we weren’t dressing him warmly enough. I’ve been so paranoid about SIDS that I’ve been afraid to bundle him up. (Much of the literature links high temperatures with SIDS.) But a baby who becomes too cold isn’t a happy baby. This may seem self-evident to you, but it’s difficult reading the little one’s signs and reconciling our observations with what we’ve read. I just hope I’ll get better at this…of course he’ll eventually be able to tell me what he needs, so it won’t always be a guessing game

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Yay! Robert just came in to tell me that the Mariners are leading 7-2. Go M’s!!!!