My mother-in-law is visiting this weekend. Before you start sending your condolences, you should know that she is a terrific lady and great fun to be around. Watching the banter between Robert and his mother is very entertaining. They’re such funny people!

Today, we’re going to go out and have brunch and look for something amusing to do…or somewhere nice to hang out. It’s cold and nasty outside, so I don’t think we’ll do much touring. I’m sure we all would rather cozy up by a fire and drink steaming cups of tea.

The relationship I have with my sister and brother-in-law is not all I would like it to be. We’re civil enough when we get together. Sometimes we even have fun. But more times than not, our interaction just leads to jealous whispering behind one another’s backs (Why does SHE deserve that? How can he be so stupid? What a jerk! She makes me so mad…) I know this happens on both sides. Robert and I do it. Carrie and Rich do it. It’s awful. But I have no idea how to fix the rift, or even if it would be possible, given our personality differences.

They’re the only family we have in Seattle–and we see them less frequently than we do our relatives in California, Idaho and Montana. In fact, the ONLY time we get together is when one of our other relatives pays a visit to this grand city and wants to do something with the whole group. Robert’s biological mother, Leslie will be here this weekend to see the new baby. I’m excited to see her. I’m also excited that I might be able to see my new nephew. No, I still haven’t. He was born on November 4th. I have never been invited over, nor have I felt comfortable inviting myself over.

Families aren’t perfect. But families are families. I wish I felt a part of this one. Robert didn’t even bother to tell me of a website they put together to display their baby pictures. He thought I wouldn’t care. Oh, but I do. I really do.

I have to fill out a self-evaluation for my performance review. It asks incredibly profound questions such as “what strengths do you bring to your position,” “do you see your job expanding,” and “what motivates you?” Robert advised me to answer the last question thus: “Money.” Ha! I only wish I had the guts to give such a bold answer. Robert can ask for a raise without even breaking a sweat. I would rather quit my job than admit that I wasn’t satisfied with the compensation I was receiving. I am a coward through and through. Running away comes all too naturally for me.

Thank goodness that’s not at stake this year. What’s really at stake is how much substantive work they give me. I want more challenging tasks and fewer filing and faxing assignments. Sometimes I feel like a glorified secretary (I’m not knocking the skills required of a good secretary or his/her importance to the firm–the role’s just not one I want to fill) and other times I feel like a true paralegal. Being entrusted with challenging work motivates me. Believing that what I do is important motivates me. Being regarded as an integral member of the team motivates me.

But do they really wish to hear these types of answers? I don’t know. I’ve never filled out one of these forms. It puts you in a vulnerable position. What if you say “I think I’m really good at X” and everyone who reads that statement disagrees with your assesment? I don’t want people aware of the delusions I have about myself. That’s why I normally keep my mouth closed–or, in the alternative, make self-deprecating remarks. Wish me luck.