Work was such a drag. Long, long day. I didn’t have enough to do–which never fails to drive me batty. Being swamped with work is always better. It keeps you in mind of your value to the firm. Moreover, you don’t have a chance to sit around and fret. You just have to get down to business. I didn’t have that option today.I sat and fretted about whether or not people respected me and had faith in my abilities. I worried about looking like a slacker since I could only sit and stare blankly at my computer monitor. Then I indulged in a bit of righteous indignation. How dare they make me sit here and do nothing! My time is valuable, darnit. I asked every single soul in the office if I could help them out in some way. They all smiled, thanked me for asking, but, alas, no, they didn’t have anything for me at the moment. Argh.

At the peak of my frustration, they herded all of the paralegals into a conference room and announced that they were changing case assignments. Most of us were not entirely enthusiastic about the changes. When working on a case, you develop a sense of ownership and tend to not respond very enthusiastically to news that you might be taken off a case–unless it’s a horrible case, of course. My assignments remained pretty much the same. The only thing I felt inclined to grumble about was a new responsibily they decided I should have: updating the case contact lists. Ugh. How utterly boring! Ok, beggars (for work) can’t be choosers, but I can’t pretend any enthusiasm for the task. Unfortunately that didn’t mean any immediate work for me. I still had another hour to kill. And I sat at my desk on the verge of tears. Just when I thought I was going to run screaming from the office, the HR rep dropped by and asked me if I’d be interested in learning about real estate closings. She said they wanted to keep me challenged and move me up when they could. Hearing that made me feel 100% better. It also made me feel foolish. I had wasted a whole day worrying about imaginary problems. I think I need a vacation!

Woo hoo! Robert and I sold the car this morning. We were starting to despair of ever finding anyone who would be interested in a sixteen year old car whose transmission was expected to fail in the near future. We sold it to a mechanic named Ann who shrugged off the problems as if they were no big deal. Having got rid of the car is a big load off our minds. Now for the ratty futon in the garage…

It’s been the most gorgeous day! The sun has taken on a clear amber hue and the air is delightfully crisp. I spent some time laying on the lawn soaking it all up. Perhaps I’ll go on a walk later this evening.

Lark suggested I make a list of things that are important to me. She believed this would help me formulate meaningful goals which would give me some direction and renew my enthusiasm for things. I’m struggling to do this. It’s hard for me to see beyond Robert who, when he’s not absorbed with Diablo II (the bane of my life), gives me great joy. I love him so. I would like a cat, but that can hardly translate into a worthwhile goal. I won’t be able to have a cat until we live elsewhere…and moving is beyond our means at this point in time. Property/rent is insanely expensive in Seattle. Saving up enough to move into a better place is one of my goals. But it’s hard to feel like you’re doing much of anything when you’re saving money. Oh, it’s exciting enough to check your bank balance and discover that it’s significantly higher than it was a month ago…but the thrill only lasts for a short time and then you’re back to the drudgery of working day in and day out. It’s hard to feel that the dull little tasks you focus on during the day have anything at all to do with your future ownership of a lovely home. I’m sorry I sound so gloomy lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It could be the usual monthly hormonal swing or it could be the cold I’m suffering right now. I will put on a sunnier face tomorrow. I promise. My mom always said that if I smiled I most likely would feel better. That could very well be true. Right now I just want to sulk. *lol*